


i don't wanna go

by awksha



Category: Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Ashes Scene in Avengers: Infinity War Part 1, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Gen, Other, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 04:01:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14488353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awksha/pseuds/awksha
Summary: “i don’t know-” peter looks up from his hands, hands that are trembling more than they should, and staggers forwards. “i don’t know what’s happening-”





	i don't wanna go

**Author's Note:**

> if you haven't watched "avengers: iw" then please turn back now. i don't know if anyone has done this yet, but this scene was especially painful to watch (and write). it's short, yes, but that's because i can't continue writing this without feeling like crying again. if you are especially affected by that scene, i recommend that you do not read this.

“mr stark?” 

his heart sinks, sinks so low in his chest that he can barely feel it pumping. tony forces himself to turn. quill, drax, and mantis have disappeared; the traces of their presence are swept away by the wind. but that doesn’t matter right now. the kid stares at him with wide eyes; suddenly his hands are shaking, his mind isn’t working. 

“i don’t feel so good.” 

peter blinks, tries to clear the panic from his brain. all he does is stare. what can he do? tony’s breath catches in his throat. he couldn’t do anything when they had disappeared. but peter- this isn’t happening. no, not the kid. not  _ his  _ kid. 

“you're alright.” he says but it comes a beat too late because peter trips over his words and his feet as the fear sinks in. 

“i don’t know-” peter looks up from his hands, hands that are trembling more than they should, and staggers forwards. “i don’t know what’s happening-” 

_ i’ll catch you _ , tony remembers, and dives forward in time for the boy to cling onto his shoulders. he hears him gasp between jumbled words and presses a numb palm to his back. peter’s hands are scraping at his back, gripping for purchase; searching for something to keep him grounded. keep him here. 

his hands scramble to grab onto his shoulders, feet shuffling in the ground as he tries to stay upright. “i don’t wanna go,” he pleads, holding onto tony as though he has the answers, as though he can get him out of this. but peter knows, and tony knows that peter knows, that there is no solution. so tony hugs tighter.

“i don’t wanna go.” and tony wants to scream but he has to stay strong because this kid,  _ his  _ kid, is dying. he can’t tell him that things will be okay, can’t tell him that it’ll be better soon. there’s no fixing this - whatever  _ this  _ is. instead he can hold peter. he can hold him tight and pray that he won’t disappear.

“sir, please- i don’t wanna go...” peter’s crying. he takes a shuddering gulp, bends to lie him against the ground, and pretends to be strong for the friendly neighbourhood spiderman. tony has to choke back his own sobs while the boy whimpers into his shoulder. peter’s breaths are sharp now, loud gasps for air between tremors; he’s hyperventilating. “i don’t wanna go.”

his back hits the ground with a solid  _ thump _ . 

for a moment everything stills. tony presses a hand to peter’s chest - he’s still here, still opaque and  _ here _ . fate, however, has a very dark sense of humor. 

then playful eyes turn glassy with realisation; rapid healing doesn’t solve everything, it seems. peter turns to look at him, to really look at tony, and fixes him with a gaze that makes the fear restart in his body.

“i’m sorry.” peter chokes, and tony wants to yell at the universe to  _ let me take his place _ . 

he watches as the boy, not even eighteen, as he starts disintegrating. his face, the face that used to light up with jokes and ridiculous pop culture references, cracks like broken porcelain. and so peter’s form disappears into dirt that is lifted away by the wind. the hand once clutching onto the boy’s chest now drops to the ground. 

there is no longer a spiderman beneath him. no longer a peter parker. 

tony stands, shaking. he finds a rock, sinks onto it, and cradles a hand that went through space once occupied. nebula speaks behind him, though her words do not fully register in his mind. he feels a ball of pain in his throat now, an ocean that threatens to spill from his eyes. all that he can hear is the echo of peter’s voice from the maw’s spaceship, teasing. “this is technically your fault.”

his hands start quivering. 

_ if you die, i feel like that’s on me _ . 

  
  
  
  



End file.
